[Si] TV

My dear clubbing children, after years of watching the, ahem, questionable clothing choices, painful dance floor fights and one-too-many drunk antics, the Almighty has decided many of you need guidance on what to do, and not to do, on your evening excursions.

Thou Shall Be Comfortable
We all know shoes are an important accessory. But ladies, please make sure you can at least STAND in your heels of choice. Taking your shoes off because your feet are throbbing is tacky and makes your hygiene status questionable. Plus all that mysterious junk on the floor will latch on to your feet like a leech. And men, the pointy shoes that get stepped on or cause waves when you walk through, not a good look either. You’ll likely end up with the same bunions as your female companions.

Thou Shall Watch Thy Own Ass
Please, please, please, I implore you--Don't start fights with people if you can barely see them! You are totally intoxicated and will, as a result, get your ass beaten (HARD). So think twice before reacting if someone nudges, bumps, rubs up on or even hits you. You will be doing yourself (and others) a big favor.

Thou Shall Give Elbow Room
Newsflash, the dance floor is for DANCING! If you don’t dance or if you want to swap spit, there are walls and corners for that. Fellas, if you’re just standing there to check out the ladies, please don’t. You either have to dance with one of them or keep it movin’. And if you insist on being a statue, don’t get angry if your new shoes get scuffed or you’re accidentally hit.

Thou Shall Keep Thy Clothes On
Please, it doesn’t matter how tight and beautiful you think your body is, it’s never appropriate to walk and dance around shirtless! It’s muggy and like 110 degrees, your freakin’ sweating like Niagara Falls, disgusting!

Thou Are Not Diddy
My dear people, wearing sunglasses in a club is NOT cute or cool. Even when rappers wear them, it’s cornier than Dipsy Doodles. It’s dark in these places to begin with; you’re going to make it darker? You want to see who turns you down, well, probably not but still—lose the shades and leave them for sunny days.

Love Is Not In Da Club
Don't expect to meet the love of your life at a club and then be shocked when their nervous tick makes an appearance on your first real date (you know, in daylight when you can see him/her through clear and sober eyes.)

On that note, there is no need to get desperate. Don’t give your number to just any random loser or turn into a psycho stalker if you haven’t met anyone as the night comes to an end.

Now, go forth and party!