[Si] TV

• ‹ previous
• 4 of 15
• next ›

Personally my spiritual quest is never ending. This year, like many years in my life that have passed, I not only asked GOD What r U, who R U...I dug a little deeper. I've been asking 4 GOD's guidance all my life. Most of my adult life, I've been searching 4 my hearts truth. This year, I walked into a door that lead me inside myself.Religion has always been questionable 2 me. When I left my parents home and went out into the world, I began 2 question religion. Moving from the South where most of the people I grew up with were Baptist, Protestant, 7th Day Adventist, Jehovah Witnesses or Catholic... 2 New York City where I met people who were non denominational, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, 5 per centers, Agnostic, Atheist, Spiritualist practicing Yoruba and Santeria...Needless 2 say, my world opened up and the questions began. You see, I was a child growing up in the South and religion wasn't a topic of conversation really. You went to Church on Sunday morning cuz that's what u did...I was raised as a child in the Baptist faith. I didn't question it...my parents were baptist, their parents were Baptist, etc...that's it. No more, no less. My next door neighbor growing up was a VERY RELIGIOUS woman. Her name was Ms. Dees. She was a 7th Day Adventist. This was my first real encounter/experience with someone from a different faith. Ms. Dees went 2 church on Saturdays. She always wore long dresses, her head was always covered, she drove an old Grey Cadillac that was covered with bible scriptures...she would often drive thru the neighborhood speaking thru a bull horn reciting scriptures and telling people to repent...U have 2 imagine 2 a 10 year old kid, this was weird...hmmm, i guess 2 almost anyone, this would be considered weird or crazy. lol! But I liked Ms. Dees. She was always happy and helping people...something about her. We were drawn 2 each other. Ms. Dees and I became friends. I didn't go 2 church with her but I would sit in her Monday night Bible studies. I was the only kid there. Ms. Dees always had me reading the scriptures...I don't recall asking a lot of questions...but I loved reading and in Monday night Bible study, I got 2 read in front of an audience...lol! Ms. Dees would always tell me she loved my love 4 the Lord. Honestly, I don't know if at the time it was love 4 the Lord cuz at that age I didn't really know who the Lord was. I loved how moved the adults would be when reading Scriptures. I knew this was something good...I mean, i grew up learning the stories in Sunday school and I had my own 10 year old idea...GOD was a man who lived in Heaven, he was always watching over us, he knew everything we did (that kept me in line. lol!) he had a Son named Jesus who loved us sooooo much he died 4 our sins, GOD was good and most importantly, our Heveanly Father, etc... I remember enjoying Bible study and looked 4ward 2 Monday nights. I celebrated Easter (sure did love getting those new Easter Clothes) Loved Christmas(what kid doesn't...TOOOOYS, clothes, shoes) As far as I could tell at that time, Ms. Dees' faith wasn't THAT much different from my families. The only difference was the way she dressed and she went 2 church on Saturdays. I remember Ms. Dees and I going on a bike ride in the neighborhood one afternoon and I asked her who wrote the Bible and how does she know it's true. Well, I didn't get a real answer from her...she said she didn't care who wrote it, it was the word of GOD and that's all that mattered! That afternoon bike ride has remained in my mind ever since. I remember feeling unsatisfied.  I left home at 18, moved 2 New York the day after my high school graduation. Here is where my real spiritual journey began....By the time I was in my mid twenties, I'd met a myriad of people from different cultures and religious beliefs. In my early 20's my boyfriend at the time was agnostic. He didn't believe in GOD. He said it,"GOD" needed 2 be proven. Our conversations about religion always, hmmm...like most conversations about religion, turned into a debate. He wanted hard core proof...I was operating off of Faith. He would always say, "If there's a GOD, why are there homeless people?" "Why are people starving?" My answer was always, "that's not GOD's doing, that's the work of man" Then he would say, "Then why put so much faith in GOD, when man is obviously in control"  My reply, " Man has power over worldly things, maybe homelessness and starvation is a reminder to us 2 be compassionate, Compassion is GODly"... "I believe in my heart that we are connected 2 something much greater than ourselves." "How can u look at the moon, the sun, the stars, the Ocean, the rain, flowers blooming, your heart beating and not know there is a GOD...there is something greater than ourselves that we are connected 2?" Our conversations about GOD were hopeless. As a child the word had been like seeds planted into my heart...I new their was something greater...I beleived in "GOD". Altho I began 2 question my thoughts on religion, I never questioned GOD...However; I had many questions 4 GOD...What R U? Who R U? What do u want me 2 learn? I knew/know in my heart there was/is something Higher than ourselves. I've always had a relationship with The Most High. I've always prayed...My relationship has always been a very personal one. In my prayers and in giving thanks I ask The Most High 2 guide me 2 the truth. In my mid 20's, I started dating a man who was a practicing Muslim...he went 2 the Masque every Friday 2 pray...He would fast during Ramadan, read the Koran, etc...Every so often, I would read his Koran...this was the first holy book outside of the Bible i had ever picked up. I found that the "laws were basically the same...the names of the prophets were different. I loved this man...loved his conviction. However; I myself didn't feel a need in my heart 2 become Muslim. I moved 2 LA from New York 3 1/2 years ago and found myself attending many different churches...I've prayed with my Buddhist sisters, I've visited Baptist churches, I've gone 2 several non denominational churches, I've had beautiful, amazing conversations with friends who practice Yoruba and Santeria, in which I find a very strong connection too..  this practice deals with the spirit world. I pray and study with my Bahai sisters and brothers. I've taken courses at The Scientology Center, I've taken The Landmark Forum. What I've discovered in sharing with all these different walks of religions, practices and faiths is the core of what they all practice/teach is LOVE, the attributes of honesty, compassion, forgiveness, etc... and the knowingness of oneself. In this time in my life, I don't feel a need 2 be apart of any religion. Religion seems 2 separate people from really connecting. It seems 2 put people into yet another box. With all the different people in this entire world...how can one religion be the "right way?" Yet, it seems 2 me that when u strip everything down, what we all are in need of and want is LOVE!! It might sound like a cliche but, The world is in need of LOVE!! Yes, I believe in the Most High, the Spirit World. My religion is LOVE! It is what I practice every day! LOVE is what I live. It is the bar I set in my life...no doubt, i fall short and when i do, it is LOVE that helps me make the neccessary adjustments. In my heart GOD is LOVE! I am not by any means knocking anyone from being a part of religion. If U are Loving and praising GOD, If U are learning more about urselves and putting more LOVE into the world and feel at peace, If u are forgiving and compassionate, if u are evolving and creating, celebrating, rejoicing becoming the best person U can be, Letting go of things/people that hinder U from being the best U can be, this is a beautiful thing! My questions 2 The Most High has lead me inside myself... GOD is in me...We are connected 2 an energy force that is Magnificent, that is greater than our minds could ever imagine or conceive. I continue on my journey...praying, asking The Most High 4 continued guidance...thanking the Most High 4 my openness and the goodness and LOVE that fills my heart. Continually asking that GOD reveal hiself/herself/itself 2 me. I love my openness and my heart that can sit in any church, Masque or Temple and praise GOD, with no judgment and be filled with encouragement. We are all ONE! We are connected 2 everything in this universe...We are made in the likeness of GOD! We are LOVE...We are powerful beyond our understanding. We are a part of an energy that created this entire Universe...we too have the ability 2 create in our own worlds. Every day I am learning/discovering more and more about myself...the more i come 2 know, the more I know GOD...LOVE. Many of us are searching...so many unfulfilled...what I've come 2 learn thus far is...what we are searching for is inside of us. Peace is not outside of us...LOVE is not outside of us...It is all inside...what we find inside of ourselves is what exists out side of ourselves. The LOVE we are searching for is within. We are all searching, wanting, needing LOVE...It's not in a relationship (tho that might inspire us, point us in the right direction) Its not in a bldg called church (tho that might get us there if we really look behind the word)...It's not that perfect job or money(tho that might make life a bit easy at times. Lol!) We are connected 2 an energy force that is so incredibly powerful, abundant and magnificent...We have the power 2 create everything in our own world...good or bad, it all starts within us...our thoughts, the words we speak. We create it all...good or bad, negitive or positive. Once again, This has been a great year of learning, discovering on many levels. This is my perspective... We are ONe..GOD is LOVE...ONE LOVE!MonicaPayne