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I always feel somewhat awkward around gift-exchange times; and I’ve been trying to figure out what it is about times like these that make me feel this way. I mean, what about all that talk about Christmas being a time in which we practice the joy of giving?!?

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My first response to myself, was that I was selfish. And my second feeling was one of guilt. I felt guilty for not enjoying these times of “forced” giving, and then “selfish” because I never feel awkward or guilty about giving gifts to myself on a regular basis.

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And then, I thought deeper and I forgave myself for calling myself selfish and guilty. I thought about all the cool gifts I have been inspired to create and to buy for people I love. Elaborate hand-crafted gifts that have taken hours and hours of my precious time, because I have been so motivated and excited about making something special for someone who I love and appreciate. I thought about hand made meditation cards I made for my boyfriend before his three month departure to Argentina; I wrapped these personalized meditation cards in green silk fabric; and placed it in a collaged box with lavender flowers (I picked myself, while out for a walk), and a little instruction booklet I created and rolled up with ribbon that completed the gift. Then I thought about all the times I have seen cool stickers and bought them to send inside a postcard to my little brother in Switzerland. And then I thought about the dress I made for one of my friend’s birthdays, that took me some days to design, and some days to sew. And lastly I thought about how happy I am to spend my money on having great quality time with my loved ones. I love taking my little cousins to the movies, my friends out to dinner; my roommate to a cool party or club. And I realized that I was not SELFISH at all; yet these Christmas-Holiday-Gift-Exchange-Thingie had me feeling all awkward.

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All my questions were answered when I went to a mall; where I was bombarded by the Christmas shopping chaos, as I watched hundreds and hundreds of people grabbing these void objects that they would then pay for and take home with them. I experienced such a lack of creativity that day; watching people buy, buy, buy with little to no thought being put into the process, and I felt pity for everyone around me; I saw them as sheep being herded into these big shopping malls to spend all of their money faster than it took them to make it! And I imagined these large companies profiting from this phenomenon!

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And THAT was the moment I realized what my REAL issue with this whole “gift-exchange-thingie” was! Christmas (like most other commercial holidays), is not really about spending quality time with family, or the joy of giving; NO, Christmas is about big companies making big profits. And so people get consumed by consumption; spending everything they have and everything they don’t have; buying things that they need, but more often than not buying things that they don’t need. Impulsive, greedy giving; and I stood watching appalled at the whole phenomenon. Disgusted by what has become of this holiday and astounded that it’s yet another successful scheme by marketing companies to convince people of their need to buy.

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I got home and saw that there was a packet waiting for me. It was a FedEx packet from Florida. My manager had sent me a work check along with a small gift. It was one of those new American Express Gift Cards. I texted him right away, expressing my thanks and reminding him that he didn’t have to get me anything, but that I was grateful for his kind gift. He responded my text message by saying “I wish it could have been more” and that was yet another strike for me against this American Holiday! Why would anyone give, and feel bad about the amount of what they are giving? Or the size of their present? Or its value? 

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My manager wasn’t the only one who felt this embarrassment for “not giving enough” people around me who had baked cookies for friends, or those who had made something creative that cost them much time, but not much money; they were embarrassed too!

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I saw how materialistic this holiday had become that if you truly invested time, thought and energy into your gift-giving, it was not as valuable as someone who went out to the mall and purchased an expensive, un-necessary luxury at Bloomingdales!

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Every year I tell my family that I don’t want anything during this season. I tell them of the things I need and how they can help me get them; but I emphasize not celebrating so much the gift exchange portion of this time of year, but rather seeing it as an opportunity to be around family, to spend quality time, and to get to know one another. After all, isn’t that the greatest gift anyone can receive? The gift of love?

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Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE both giving and receiving gifts. But I don’t like having a time of year where I am forced to give and receive them. Pressured by society and manipulated by marketing campaigns and the idea of a man in a red suit (that was actually created by Coca Cola as part of one of their Marketing Schemes!). So I would rather give and receive spontaneously, on random occasions, because I saw something (on any given day) that made me think of a special person, or because someone thought about me so much that they were inspired to write me a poem, or buy me some cute lingerie, or because my mom felt like buying me a pretty bracelet that she wanted me to remember her by when we are apart; these gifts feel authentic; genuine, and truly special.

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But honestly Christmas for me, is overrated. I don’t like to give and I don’t like to receive because it feels contrived, forced and manipulated. So instead I tell my family that I don’t need or want anything, that I am down-sizing, and I wait for the times where I feel compelled and inspired to create a gift for the people I love.