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I have never been a big fan of vanity license plates.  The frame I saw the other day convinced me even more that people who personalize frames and license plates veer towards the “asshole” side of the personality spectrum.  Perhaps not all are assholes since I’ve seen some very cute and clever ones, including a mortician that had “Last 2CU” on his license plate.  But most vanity plate holders are narcissistic or slightly egomaniacal people who love themselves soooo much that they feel the need to describe themselves on their cars. But I digress…

The other day there was a big white truck in front of me and on the license plate was a frame that said.  “Olympic Gold Medalist” on top and on the bottom is said…wait for it…wait for it…MUFF DIVING!  Yes my friends, the man driving the truck (or maybe it was a woman) declared himself (or herself) the best person IN THE WORLD at going down on girl parts.  Not only that.  This person also won a coveted Olympic medal for it.  I asked a few of my female friends if they considered this a turn-on and would immediately want to date said truck driver, or if like me they would want to explain to the medal winning person what a dumb ass he is and that not only would they never EVER want to go out with him based solely on his stupid license plate, but might they, like me, be inclined to strike him repeatedly in the head with a large blunt object?  Luckily, my friends are all smart and said the latter.  You see, gentlemen, woman are not impressed with big trucks or stupid licenses or license plate frames.  When we see a man with a huuuuge truck that we couldn’t possibly climb into, we immediately think “Hmm, that guy has a reeeeally big truck.  Could he be trying to overcompensate for something small, like say the size of his weenie?”

Some of the other dumb plates I’ve seen have been in the parking lot of my very own work.  For months I kept seeing this Miata that had a hand symbol followed by SMQBN.  But I never saw the “Handsome Cuban” getting in or out of said car.  Finally one day I saw the guy getting out of his teeny tiny Miata and he wasn’t so handsome.  He wasn’t ugly, but if I were a 5 I wouldn’t be shouting out to the world that I was a 10, you know what I mean?  Just this morning driving next to me was a fairly nice car with “1 Rad Guy” on the plate.  I had to pull up to see who this rad guy was.  Of course, he was an older, fat, balding man with a cigar in his mouth wearing a Hawaiian shirt.  I don’t know if he ordered the license plate because he considers himself rad, or maybe his wife got him the plate because she thought it was cute, or maybe she think he’s rad.  By the way, the word “rad” went out quite awhile ago and he was kind of old to be using the word so I'm not sure why he was using it.  It seemed really out of place on the classy car he was driving.  One should also consider things like that when personalizing their license plates because if you use slang words, know that in a couple years you will look even more idiotic than people already think you are.  And if you are going to write something about yourself, at least spell it correctly.  As you can see by the jackass in the picture of the license plate above, if he is such a “GENIUS” why can’t he spell the damn word correctly?

To sum up-the majority of people who personalize their plates to extol the virtues of their looks are just plain stupid.  No one cares what you look like or if you think you’re “2 Hot” or “GR8 GUY” or any other such thing.  If you are that concerned about people knowing what you think about yourself, get one of those old fashioned 2 sided sandwich boards and write all the wonderful things you think about yourself and just walk up and down the main street in your town so that everyone knows how great you are.